Metrosexual bag of wind kicker Christiano Roonaldio has declared himself inconsolable after British cheesecake minx and Mum of the Year 2016 Andrea Leadbelly decided to rule herself out of the running for the Top Gear presenter's job on account of the fact that she is a heartless scaremonger with a moral code dating back to the fifties – 1850s, that is.
Roonaldio, who has recently excited boys and grown men that should know better across Europe with his dashing kickball exploits told Granstand’s Des Lynham: “The girl done good keeping that jelly-brained arse-tube Gove at bay, but you know, at the end of the day, perhaps it was a reach too far, John. It’s a real shame, cos I think she would’ve been great and much better than that Darling Buds Of May bird, but that’s football, Gary. Or is it Blockbusters? I can never remember. Anyways, I’m proper gutted, yeah?”