The world of athletics was last night left in taters as an event organised and held in Wivenhoe to celebrate the careers of top runnists Usain Boat and Mo Fara saw both stripped of their titles and sent home in shame for failing to win their respective races.
Jamaican Boat – who currently holds the world record for running 100 miles in just under 10 seconds – came a disappointing second in his final race after being beaten to the finish line by a streaker, ensuring that everyone will forget about his former triumphs and label him an abject failure forever more.
Meanwhile, Quorn-powered killer cyborg Mo ‘The Mobot’ Farage also failed to notch up a victory in his specialised event of running round and round for absolutely ages, although by the time it had finished most spectators had lost interest and gone home anyway.
TV commentator Steve Cramp told viewers: "This highlights once and for all the utter futility of trying to compete without performance enhancing drugs. If Boat or Mo were smacked off their tits they'd have won for sure. Fog on the Tyne is all mine, all mine, canny lass..."