With other principalities around the world including the Eastern backwater of Russia and the small town of Merica having already established space stations in the outer reaches of the galaxy, Wivenhoe has finally caught up with its peers and entered the space race.
This morning at approximately 10:44, Tower 1 took off from Tower Road on its first pioneering mission to Mars in search of evidence of intelligent life (a previous mission planned to Clacton was binned after it became clear it’d be a waste of time), and to see just how much truth there is in those rumours that Darth Vader has come back to life and is building another space station.
Head of Wivenhoe’s Space Agency, town mayor Dame Dannii Minogue, told The Daily Star: “Sending a house up into space like this is not cheap, and though we’ve had to close two schools and rethink plans for inexpensive houses to fund the mission, it’ll be well mental to see what my house looks like from space and to once and for all put to rest those ridiculous rumours about the world being a great big onion.”
Leading doctor of all things that Dara O’Briain doesn’t know about, Professor Brian’s Cock told CBeebies that the pioneering mission was “A complete and utter waste of time and the folly of a lunatic”, but that’s only cos he’s jealous that his town can’t put a mooning man on the moon. In other news, Wivenhoe Co-op will be offering a special discount on Mars bars to celebrate – the downside is that you’ll have to go into Wivenhoe Co-op to buy them.