Following a run of scandalous refereeing decisions that turned what should have been a hugely successful season on its head, Wivenhoe Town FC has been promised that the official appointed to the club’s games for next season will be of “the highest possible calibre”.
Wivenhoe Mayor Dame Dannii Minogue used her significant influence to organise a high-powered meeting with Premier League Chief Peter Balls, which has resulted in one of the most respected officials in the game – Beyoncé – being posted to Town for the entire season.
The Bootylicious diva has kept the beautiful game flowing at the highest level, officiating at the last two World Cups and a Sunday League match between Bodmin Town and Gravesend & Northfleet back in 1987.
She told The Watcher from her Wivenhoe-based riverside apartment: “I’ve got nothing but mad love for the beautiful game and grew up with some of your soccerball stars as my heroes and role models. In fact, I’m planning on having that John Barnes rapping on my next album.”