As any fan of The Beatles worth their salt will tell you, 1969’s Abbey Road marked the last time the band recorded together. But The Watcher can exclusively reveal that now – some 24 years later – a new lineup of the band is preparing to release a follow up.
Recording is currently taking place in Wivenhoe’s luxurious recording studios, and the album has tentatively been named The Cross. My spies inform me that three tracks have been recorded so far, including the double A-side single Ornamental Courgette/Taste of Spam, which is expected to be released just in time for Christmas.
Though few people outside of the band have heard it, whispers suggest that it’s like X-Ray Spex crossed with Bananarama with a grime biscuit base and undercurrent of nineties-era Stock, Aitken and Waterman, and that it smells “lemony”.
The quick-witted of you will no doubt have realised that the fact that John Lennon died in 1980 and George Harrison in 2001 might have been a minor stumbling block, but as Paul McCartney explains it’s one that has been neatly dealt with: “Ringo and I got together and gave a lot of thought to who could fill John and George’s shoes and we came up with John and George.”
Ringo expands on the genius plan explaining: “If you say it quickly John Leslie sounds a bit like John Lennon and George Clooney has at least got the same first name so I shouldn’t get too confused. Neither of them can really play an instrument and we have to keep a close eye on Leslie, but it should be great”.
Though it’s been nearly 25 years since the band last got together, there’s no indication that they’ve lost touch with what the youth market wants to hear from their pop music.
Paul told The Watcher: “The album is planned to be released on MiniDisc with free cola bottles and a MySpace page is currently being lined up on the ‘internet’ so that the band can poke their fans and collect lols, whatever the hell they are.
“It’s been really great to work with some of music’s hottest talent. We’ve got Joe Dolce behind the production desk, Renée and Renata are doing backing vocals and Pharrell’s aunt Shirley is putting out a remix. It’s going to be hot potato I can tell ya.”
Meanwhile, Ringo highlighted precisely why it is after all these years that the Beatles still count: “The kids might be more interested in their milkshakes bringing all the boys to the yard, or shaking it like a Polaroid picture, but… er… Thomas puffed up the hill with Annie and Clarabell behind him. You can do it, you can do it. Come on Thomas they puffed…”
The Beatles new album The Cross will be available to buy from Our Price stores nationwide from December for £16.99 or downloaded from pretty much anywhere online for free.