Students from the architectural wonder that is the University of Essex have raised complaints to Wivenhoe Council about noise levels in the village caused by everyone “just going about their business”. One complainer told of how a man walking a dog stopped to talk to a passing woman about the weather at 9.15 in the morning right outside their window. Another told horror stories of the woman that lives next door to them going and getting into her car and driving “off to work” at around 6.30. While, a third exclaimed revulsion after a dustbin lorry came down the road at 8.15 – they’d only gone and put plastic out on a glass day…
Student spokesperson Anita Peter-Heater told The Watcher: “While we acknowledge that the people of Wivenhoe are entitled to take their dogs for a shit on the pavement, go to their jobs and take their kids to school, we wonder if they really have to do so every day. And if they insist on doing so, couldn’t they just do it a bit more quietly? Culturally we as students only have one day a year where we make a noise and yeah, it goes on all night, but it’s only one day. They’re doing this shit all the freaking time.”
Wivenhoe Mayor Dame Dannii Minogue has been quick to come to the defence of local people, while understanding the needs of those that are trying to better themselves in order to deal with the shitty mess that we’ve somehow made of this country.
Yesterday she told the people in front of her in the queue at Co-op: “I get it. On the whole the people that live here are uncouth loudmouths that can’t walk down the road without tossing out some cheerful platitude to passers-by in an effort to be friendly. But what they’ve got to remember is they need to keep a lid on it. These students need their rest and all the help and support we can give them. It’s not easy walking around in those tight jeans with their complicated haircuts, looking all young and vibrant and carefree. Quite aside from having to get over the weekend’s graduation ball – I had a blast guys by the way– they now face years of crippling debt and next to no job prospects. Sunday, Monday, happy days…”