An unfortunate-looking Big Issue seller has been moved on from his usual spot outside of Wivenhoe Co-op by police after locals complained that he is just too annoying for words.
The man – believed to be from Wales, has stood outside the Co-op selling the magazine for the last four weeks – has been homeless since an unfortunate movie appearance in 1999 and though loved by children and the simple is universally hated by just about everyone else ever.
He told The Watcher: “Me-sah donna unnerstand it. Me-sah just a loveable JarJar, buh everyone wanna kill-ah me-sah. They say me-sah racist ander shit, but me sah justa wanna cuddles and feeler the ladies, innit.”
Nope, I didn’t understand a word of it either.
Following countless complaints about his peculiar accent and ridiculous actions, Wivenhoe police gave him the sort of brutal beating you’d get in America for being black, before throwing him into the back of a police car and driving off muttering something about tossing him down the abandoned mineshaft in lower Wivenhoe.