Wivenhoe Mayor Dame Dannii Minogue’s long and successful reign over the small North-East Essex town looks to be in turmoil this morning after an audio recording has come to light of the ex-Home & Away star using the dreaded ‘T’ word.
The recording was conveniently released to the press just as her former aide Susan Canterbury unveiled her new book Working With That Bitch Dannii, and is understood to be authentic. A grief-stricken Dame Dannii was understood to be devastated by the revelation and has gone into hiding until the press can find something else to bang on about – like Jeremy Corbyn attending a chimp’s tea party or some such shit.
Mayor Minogue’s spokesperson told the waiting press this morning that: “Dame Dannii has done some truly horrific things in her time – just look at her ‘music’ career – but these revelations are unfounded and she’s horrified by the suggestion that she’d utter such filth. Anyone can put on a fake Australian accent. How do you know that’s not her jealous sister Kylie, Rolf Harris or Nicole Kidman?”