The Watcher can exclusively reveal that Tommy Robinson, real name Stephen Christopher Yaxley-Lennon Baldrick-Smythe, has been officially banned from entering the boundaries of Wivenhoe and told that if he so much as thinks about using One Stop, the town Council will be forced to ask him not to do it again in a slightly sterner tone.
The diminutive leader of big-boy tough gang Britain Thirst has been roundly criticised for spreading hat speech – controversially claiming that he has a “cunning plan” to replace all foreign headgear with the good old-fashioned English bowler hat.
Wivenhoe Mayor Dame Dannii Minogue told The Sun: “I’m up for freedom of speech as much as the next man, but if that little turd and his Time Team mates come digging holes on my manner again we’ll send him packing back to where he belongs. Filthy little monkey.”
We contacted Tommy on Twitter and Facebook for a comment, but he was uncharacteristically unresponsive.