Sometimes something terrible happens to your day, sucking all the fun and excitement out of that Friday feeling and replacing it instead with the equivalent of a cold bag of dog poo. And that very thing happened this morning as arguably Great Britainshire’s most bestest leader of all time – Theresa May – announced that she would be stepping aside to let someone even worserer take over the role of England Manager.
As Wivenhoe enters into a full three days of mourning, town Mayor, Dame Dannii Minogue hurriedly returned from an audition for a role as a villain in the next Bond movie to unveil a new statue to our glorious leader.
Speaking at a hastily arranged press briefing, Dame Dannii held back tears as she revealed: “It is with great sadness that I unveil this wonderful statue to honour someone who is not only a truly unique dancer, but has also made Britain the well-respected powerhouse it is today on the world stage. Ma’am we all owe you a debt of gratitude that we will never be able to truly repay. Thank you for making us strong and stable and giving us a mandate like no other.”
Wivenhoe residents are being asked to acknowledge 10 seconds of silence as a tribute to our fallen leader at 3.45am on Saturday.