It was the meeting of two powerhouses this morning as Wivenhoe mayor Dame Dannii Minogue met for the first time with all round good egg Donald Trump to celebrate the twinning of Wivenhoe with Trumpton.
Mega-bastard Trump invited Dannii to come and enjoy the pleasures of his town in a celebration of the new union that’s being formed between the North-Essex town and the sprawling city somewhere in the You Ess of Eh?
Darling Donald told the waiting press: “I love Dannii, she’s like an English rose – all white and lovely and her city of Wivenhome is the perfect partner for Trumpton. Like us they have a windmill, a haunted mineshaft and high wire fences to keep all them funny coloured folk out.”
It’s hoped that the glorious union between the two towns will show a softer side to Donald who’s come in for something of a bashing from the liberal media that don’t appear to be able to handle the truth.
“It’s crazy,” he told BBC Look East’s reporter, “They think I’m some sort of racist, but here I am talking to a woman from Englandshire, where they’re all pretty much Pakistani terrorists. If Dannii is typical of the sort of propaganda that British President Simon Binlarden is pushing, sign me up. I can feel a bit of an insurrection coming on right now, if you’ll excuse me…”
It’s not yet clear what benefits Wivenhoe will be getting from the arrangement, but rumours are circulating that the affordable housing that has recently been completed in Wivenhoe’s East Side will be demolished to make way for a new golf course, which is something we can all benefit from.