Newly elected President of Wivenhoe’s Rotary Club, Donald Trumpton, is understood to be making preparations to take up residence in his new home of The White House in downtown Wivenhoe.
The Donald recently won a highly contested erection against Edmond Hillary (owner of Clinton’s Cards, Colchester branch) for the high-profile honour and is understood to be very excited to get his hands on the reigns of power and any women unfortunate to fall under his pervy glare.
In a statement to The BBC’s Question Of Sport magazine, The Donald exclaimed: “As I understand it Wifringhone has been rotating in an anti-clockwise direction now for some 15 years. It’s my intention as the leader of the free world (actually, the rotary club), to switch it so that it goes in the other direction. That and build a bleeding great wall around Wivringhoe and make sure that only pretty women are allowed in and all those scoring a seven or below are banished to Fingringhoe. Someone needs to make Wivinglinghome great again!”
It is understood that Wivenhoe Council will be providing home suicide kits free of charge for anyone that cannot bear the thought of carrying on in this brave new world.