Monday night marks the first solar turtle eclipse since the last turtle eclipse way back whenever it was that there was one.
So that you don’t miss out on the fun, here is a selection of utterly useless factoids with which to impress your mum, but not your dad:
1) A solar eclipse occurs when the moon passes between you and your view of the nearest house with solar panels on it, partially blocking out some gullible fool that’s paid well over the odds for ‘cheaper, greener electricity’.
2) Bonnie Tyler was the first human from planet earth to observe the phenomenon back in 1845, when she was just 15. She’s now trotted out to sing her dreadful dirge every time the moon gets blocked out, and quite frankly we’ve had enough.
3) Bonnie Tyler is Welsh, but rumour has it it’s not entirely her fault.
4) The moon is made up of four different types of cheese – Cheese Strings, Wotsits, Mini Babybell and Tesco’s own brand cheddar. The sun, meanwhile, is made up of bullshit, lies and pictures of women with their bosoms blocking out the sky (aka mammary eclipse).
5) The only member of rock band ZZ Top that doesn’t have a beard is called Frank Beard, except when there’s an eclipse. On these occasions, he’s known by his real name (Frank Bruno).
6) Turtle wax is naturally secreted by turtles during an eclipse and is used for polishing cars, Smarties and Grace Jones.
7) The safest way to view the eclipse is to watch it from underneath the protection of your bed, wearing special glasses and looking through a piece of cardboard with a pin prick hole in it. Either that, or on the telly.