After a stunning weekend, which saw unseasonably high temperatures, residents of Wivenhoe were forced to hang up their Speedos and put their bikinis away for another year as vandals decided to change the dial that controls Wivenhoe’s weather.
Wivenhoe Chief of Police David Starsky told The Watcher: “At approximately oh-eight hundred hours on Sunday evening a group of five youths were loitering in a westerly direction with clear criminal intent. They came upon the village weather control dial and with flagrant disregard for their fellow citizens they dun did move the dial. The outcome has been a couple of days of drizzle, cold and misery and the outlook for the future is decidedly bleak.”
Wivenhoe Mayor Dame Dannii Minogue was quick to scold the vandals, adding: “It’s a disgrace so it is. It very clearly says on the sign ‘do not touch’ what sort of a psychopath ignores such a simple instruction. This has all the hallmarks of someone from Rowhedge. They’ve always been jealous of our higher standard of living and can’t stand seeing us over here having a great time while they live in relative poverty across the other side of the water. It’s the people of Wivenhoe I feel sorry for, fortunately I’m heading out to my winter residence in the West Indies until this mess blows over”.
Weather expert Michael Fish –who has been called in by Wivenhoe police to help with the investigation – revealed: “Whoever committed this heinous act clearly knew what they were doing. The RP 7010 weather dial, like the one in Wivenhoe, is a complex piece of equipment that takes years of trainning to operate. It’s going to take at least a couple of hours to reconfigure it and I fear the outlook for the next few weeks is bleak.”