For some stupid reason The Sunday Times has decided that Wivenhoe is one of the best places to live in the UK and residents are just ecstatic about the idea of a bunch of Sunday Times readers flocking to the area to get a piece of the action.
In its excellent and no doubt extremely well written article The Sunday Times probably (I didn’t bother buying it to find out) said something like: “We’ve listed Wivenhoe in our top 12 best places to live within the Wivenhoe area because it’s got so many fantastic amenities including a Co-op where they keep moving all the stuff around to confuse the customers (when they’re not shut), wonky pavements full of holes and covered in dog shit and a river that you can throw McDonalds wrappers and shopping trolleys in. The place really ticks all the boxes!”
Speaking to the man what empties the dog poo bins down in the park, Wivenhoe Mayor Dame Dannii Minogue proudly noted: “Brilliant, a bunch of poncey Sunday Times readers with their fancy Volvos, nice sensible green wellies and ‘Is there a Waitrose nearby?’ attitude is just what this place needs. Who the hell puts these lists together and why the flip can’t they send these bums somewhere that deserves them more like Little Oakley, Abberton or Weeley – they sound much nicer places…”