In a sight that’s not been seen in these here parts since the Seventies, animal lovers have expressed delight that wild zebras have once again returned to Wivenhoe Woods.
The news first broke last week when nature spotter Ronny Hotdog claimed that he’d seen a zebra cavorting with his dog Sergio – a claim that wasn’t believed by anyone and resulted in Ronny being banished from the village for life. However, the revelation was ruled to have been true when nature bounty hunter David ‘Boaty McBoatface’ Attenborough visited the woods and saw for himself the wonderful phenomena.
Attenborough (aged 32) told BBC’s Tomorrow World: “It’s really surprising to see zebra this far East. At first I thought it might be a dog on stilts, but there’s no mistaking it, that’s a zebra for reelzy yo!”
Asked as to why he thought the dogs on stilts had returned to the Woods, McBoatface added: “I suspect the recent dry spell has forced the lions from Chelmsford and Witham to go further afield than Costcutter for their tea, which in turn means we get to see this glorious sight once again”.
Whatever the reason, tourists are flocking to Wivenhoe from as far afield as Chiffington Bay in the hope of seeing the wildlife. Wivenhoe Mayor, Dame Dani Minogue, welcomed the new visitors to the town, stating: “It’s always nice to welcome outsiders to our humble little hamlet. Please remember that if you are going to enjoy our spectacular wildlife, you will need a license for hunting. My office could do with a nice zebra head on the wall, innit though?”